Dear Diary...

July 22, 2025

Happy International Dog Day AND International Moth Week!A Dauchsand with a rainbow propeller hatLiving free and eating cherries like a Madwoman

July 21, 2025

FINALLY it's nice enough outside to sit in sketch in the morning -- 79 degrees and not that humid. I ate a peach and sourdough + egg + za'atar again and read The Book of Goose by Yiyun Li. Then I tested out my new watercolors! They are iredescent and great for cute borders in my sketchbook. 08 I was eating some chicharron, so I gave the dog some since she really wanted it. She would bark at me until I threw her a piece. I really enjoyed the pickled onions they came with; I think the chef used some oregano in them. When I get the chance, I'll try to pickle them with some za'atar or oregano, cilantro, and jalepeno peppers. And slice them really, really thin. Doodle was also so funny last night -- he kept wanting to eat my red bean bun and would try to walk over my computer to get to it. Finally, I'm slowly making progress with my phone addiction; it's no longer in the way of getting everything on my to-do list done. Still a long way to go; I'm trying to not bring it with me when I'm cooking/on the toilet/ ect. However, I have been staying up until 3 AM, so I'll try to fix my sleep schedule today.

A 2 page spread from my sketchbook. On the lefthand page is a 4 panel comic about seeing a huge wasp in the forest. A pressed black-eyed susan flower is glued on top in the bottom left corner. On the other side is a drawing of a pagan european outfit with a furry monster head.

July 20, 2025

Happy International Moon Day! moon with a cunty face
Today I went to the art gallery I used to volunteer at and saw the Over 70 Show -- the artists were so skilled. It's so amazing what someone can create with decades of practice.I really enjoyed Dorinne Armstrong , Linda Kavanaugh , Judy Melby-Robinson, and P. Ann Cummings. Ann's was my favorite of all of them -- I always end up adoring oil pastel works. There was a fantastic exhibition of an oil pastel artist back when I was in high school, and I just find the expressive, blocky look captures how light looks in my memory so well. And the strokes add so much movement! The colors on this piece were so unusual -- that's what initially drew me in. I'd love to be able to use color like her someday. I tried looking for her online, but all I could find was an obituary of someone with the same name -- I hope it isn't her, because I'd really like to see more of her work. If anyone knows an artist of the same name in Maryland, please reach out. I ought to have bought the piece, but it wasn't for sale! And I have no money anyways. lol.
There was also a solo exhibit of an artist from Arizona who used similarly pulsing colors. I remember when I visited Arizona; the air was so clear and the sky was so bright that the landscape did seem really high contrast... I wonder if people see color differently depending on where they grew up. Maybe someone from the desert can more easily pick out the undertones in the soil and skin and whatnot since theyre used to seeing it all be so colorful. Her paitnings she made in Maryland were a little more subdued, but still vibrant.

Morning Marsh by P. Ann Cummings. Vibrant, oil pastel art of a marsh with vibrant turquoise water alongside orange and purple grass. Sunflowers and Muse by Linda COnstant Robinson. A vibrant oil painting with bright yellow sunflowers on a green table with an abstract yellow woman on the lefthand side. Tallesin West by Dorinne Armstrong. A warm, orangey-brown acrylic painting of a desert landscape with a small city/house, backed by mountains and dramatic clouds. No Regrets Coyote by Judy Melby Robinson. A colorful mixed media headshot of a person holding a cigarette. Refined Comfort by Linda Syverson Guild. A grid of mostly disconnected quilt squares attatched by buttons and a circle in the middle

I'm listening to yume nikki fangame soundtracks while writing this (great for thinking + focusing). I really enjoy journaling... organizing things... ect. I often feel bewildered and end up hating myself when I do tasks with a lot of skill. But writing about my day and organizing things I like feels like something safe that I can't screw up. I am at total peace... chick with a green hat
Doodle sits on my desk whenever I am on my computer -- he loves to watch whatever is happening on my screen, especially when I'm browsing gifcities or playing a game. I truly feel like he is my second half. He knows what I need and I know what he needs -- I feel like we perfectly understand each other even if he can't talk. I've never seen a cat express so much gratitude and love on it's face like I've seen on Doodle's face ever since I came home from college. I don't know how I make it without him. I don't even know how I'll keep on when I leave the house for good and only see him rarely, or when he passes away. He's my oldest friend -- 13 years old. He's seen me become a person. I feel bad when I'm away at college and turning into someone he doesn't totally recognize. I am so, so grateful for these lazy summer days on my laptop where he sits next to me... I will treasure them forever.
Summer is ending so fast! It's my last summer break EVER :( Time has been going by so fast. When I was younger, it felt like it stretched on forever, probably because I didn't know what I would be doing an hour from now, let alone days. Now, everything is planned out (not really), and it just feels like it's smoothly following a track I can see the end of (I don't know a thing). I don't want it to go by so quickly-- my days at home are my happiest days. I love my parent's house out on the country. It was my entire world for a decade and a half. When I went to the art gallery, I saw many pieces depicting the countryside, and I was so warmed knowing other people found it as precious as I did. I heard someone say that if you live in a forest long enough, you feel like you are just a part of the forest experienceing itself... I love being in the city. I have a lot of fun. But I also feel disconnected and rootless. When I'm back home, I'm much sharper, and I feel emotions deeply, as if the old house and the woods are a part of me that I had been violently ripped from. In some ways, my hometown is not a good place for me -- it was very racist, and there aren't many jobs here, and I love my friends in the city. But I have a deep sense of being a part of the landscape here. It's hard to describe in a way that makes sense in a blog post. It would probably take a lifetime of literature and poetry. The worst part is that it all gets on fine without me; the lake will still be overrun with baby frogs in June without me. The blackberry bush will fruit without me. It's only I who withers when I'm absent. Maybe I'm just the sort of person who needs to believe in a higher power watching over me. I think of Orhan Pamuk, who never left his hometown in Turkey... you can sense his intimacy and love for it in his writing.
In other news, the water lilies are finally blooming; late this year, since everything has been blooming very late. I was worried I wouldn't be able to see them before I go back. I saw a broken down, overgrown school bus on the drive home in someones farm. Reminded me of Monster. I would love to just explore so many things if I could... people have such interesting things in their backyard... In college Park, someone had a whole broken down plane. When We were driving there, it was misty and rainy too, which gave it an incredible ambiance. I wouldn't mind being a ghost just so I can explore everything in depth, wander around a backyard for years, since I have all the time in the world. Similarly, I hope that there is a Heaven, and if I get there, I can spend the rest of eternity reading all the books, playing all the games, making art that takes centuries... I often feel so sad that life is too short to see all the good art that is out there. And modern life is too busy to sit with a piece for hours.

An old red Radio Flyer Wagon filled plants and a large rock. There is a sign that says 'Even Monsters Need Friends Leave a painted rock or art creation for our lovely monstrer (please don't leave trash).' I used to be carried around in a Radio Flyer wagon when I was very, very young and we lived in California. It's something my soul remembers, but my mind doesn't entirely. If something happens to me, I'll probably find myself back there. That's the feeling I get as I remember it. In Loving Memory of Sylvian Lillian Popkin Who modeled service above self and reminded us to laugh 1953-2023. I love seeing obituaries everywhere -- they should be more common. It's important to be reminded of those in the past and let them haunt over us, in a sweet way. It lets the land hold on to memories a little better. I feel a little sad though -- they always seem like such nice people and I wish I could meet them. I never thought of myself as that spiritual, but I guess I'm turning out to be someone who is very sensitive to these sort of things. a water fountain with a golden painted statue of a person and a waterfowl A sculpture of a silver tree bent into an arch.